What’s this rush to have weddings? There are plenty of large and small gatherings of people that have been canceled or postponed due to this once-in-a-lifetime global pandemic. Should weddings be exempt from the same fate?

I understand that weddings are planned well in advance. Many of the dates for the summer or fall of 2020 were set long before anyone heard the word Coronavirus. But we are where we are now. 

Maybe it’s a shotgun wedding. This is when the bride-to-be finds out she is with child, and the man needs to marry her quickly so that she is not showing at the wedding. It is so-called because the woman’s father would be threatening the man with a shotgun to make sure he makes an “honest woman” out of her.

Other than that, I don’t see what the rush is to have a wedding. I see pictures on Facebook of couples who insist on going through with a ceremony. Most of the pictures show a few people and limited finery. One of the weddings was in someone’s desolate backyard. Was that really your dream wedding?

Now look, getting married can be separate from a ceremony. If you have to get married, there are ways to do that without the ceremony. Justice of the peace. Some courthouse. Elvis in Vegas. If you insist on having the paperwork and signing that contract, which that’s what marriage is, a contract, then you can do that without a full-blown wedding.

And while we’re on the topic, let’s talk about destination weddings. For anyone who is not the bride or groom, this is a forced vacation. Someone else decides where you’re going, the dates when you have to be there, and the events you need to go to. And by the way, you’re still paying for everything. That doesn’t sound like a fun vacation to me. “But it’s not about you. It’s about the bride and groom on their special day!” Oh yah? Well, I think all the people who attend a wedding should also be invited to the divorce proceedings. If you’re there at the start, might as well be there all the way to the bitter end. And do you get your gifts back (or cash value) in that case?

Maybe Exhibit A will be the wedding video played for all to see. By the way, the only quicker way to get me to leave a room besides rancid flatulence is to say, “Hey, we’re about to watch our wedding video.”

So, enough with pushing forward with weddings right now. I’m not saying never, just not right now. There is still so much we don’t know about this virus, and how are you going to feel if your wedding causes even one person to get sick? It is irresponsible to have a large gathering of people of all ages (many of whom probably travel a fair distance) just for your vanity. As Al Pacino’s character opines in The Devil’s Advocate, “Vanity. My favorite sin.”

If you want to hear this post come alive, it happens to be today’s episode of the Brandonian Doctrine.