I arrived office in the office this morning and greeted myself with a minor sneezing fit. I can’t remember the last time I sneezed exactly one time. Two is the bare minimum. If someone sneezes twice and stops, it usually means the irritant that precipitated the sneeze has been expunged. Even a third sneeze can be classified as such. Once you reach four consecutive sneezes, however, something else is going on. 

I sneezed four times upon entering my office. I believe the root cause is environmental, perhaps some cleaning products used by the evening janitorial service. The last time I sneezed multiple times was earlier in the week as a result of an olfactory assault. Sometimes my nose will get congested or start running during a meal, which is a harbinger for sneezing and an indicator that I chose the wrong fuel.

I have witnessed this type of exchange many times. Someone sneezes multiple times, and another person accuses the person of being sick. The sneezer responds, “I’m not sick. It’s just allergies.” Now, why would he or she respond like that? If it is a public place such as an office or an airplane, my guess is that the sneezer wants to assuage any concerns of being sick but also contagious. Ever the contrarian, if I sneeze multiple times and someone yells, “Sick” I respond, “Yep, yep, I better go home and go to bed.”

This week I was reminded of a former hearing-impaired coworker who had a penchant for sneezing and the world’s loudest sneezes. Each sneeze was a combination of shout-cough-sneeze that reverberated throughout the office. After the first few times, it no longer jolted me. In fact, I rather enjoyed watching it shake up people who were otherwise calmly sitting at their cubicles “resting their eyes.”