I used to work with a woman who had an unusual philosophy regarding gifts she received in the mail. She spoke specifically about gifts such as labels with your name and address, note pads, bumper stickers, etc. When she received such a gift, she made it a point to donate money or repay the gift in some way. If she decided not to repay the gift, she threw the gift away! I asked her, “Why not just keep the gift and use it instead of wasting it?” Her reply was that she did not feel comfortable accepting and using the gift if she did not repay it in some fashion.

In the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D., the author discusses the powerful rule of reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has given to us. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. If someone does you a favor, you should do one in return. If someone gives you a birthday gift, you’d better remember to give that person a birthday gift. 

I have donated to several charities including the March of Dimes, St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, and Wounded Warriors. I discovered that once I was on the list, I continue to receive solicitations for more donations. I also periodically receive gifts such as address labels. 

I was organizing my desk and discovered that I have 378 address labels. I can mail one letter every day for a year without having to write my return address or print a label. I kept all the labels and use them whenever I need to mail a letter. I don’t make a donation every time I receive a gift, and I don’t feel bad about it. 

My former coworker had an ingrained sense of the reciprocity rule. Something as small as address labels from a company triggered it for her. I still feel the pull of the reciprocity rule, but it’s usually with larger gifts or gestures, especially from people I know.