There was nobody in the women’s restroom, and for some reason, it did not occur to me that it was odd not to see urinals. Priority one was the urgency to relieve myself, so I went straight for one of the stalls and closed the door. I set about performing the task, and the next thing I hear is a woman’s voice. I thought to myself, “That’s odd. Maybe it’s an employee who is coming in to clean the restroom.” But as I continued to relieve myself and listened, it was a conversation with another female voice then suddenly the panic hit me.

I must be in the women’s room!!!! This had never happened to be before (or since), so I had absolutely no playbook to guide me out of this situation.

I finished my duty, buttoned up my pants, and then turned around to peek through the gap between the door and the border of the next stall to confirm my hypothesis. Sure enough, there was a woman standing at the sink.

My heartbeat went from 80 to 160. Whatever buzz I had going a mere minute before was replaced with abject terror. They are going to find out I’m in here! They will tell management, and I will end up on the nightly news traipsed out in handcuffs as some creepy guy who likes to go into women’s restrooms.

The woman left and I had to make a quick decision. The longer I stayed in there, the more risk that someone else will walk in and then it could be a never-ending cycle keeping me trapped for hours and leading to eventual suspicion of why the one stall is always closed. I didn’t hear anyone else, so I decided to make a break for it.

I opened the stall and achieved near light speed as I darted across the room and reached the door. Just as I opened it, I heard a noise behind me and out of the corner of my eye I could see the door from one of the other stalls opening and a woman was walking out! I should have known there was another women in there! Who else was the first woman talking to?? I saw her, she saw me, and it felt like time stood still even though it was less than a second.

By this point I had reached the point of no return, so I slowed down long enough to throw the door open and then achieved near light speed again to race as far away from the restroom as possible. Thankfully I did not encounter anyone as I made my inartful escape.

I got back to the booth where my colleague was sitting and slid in and hunched down. He could see the look of panic on my face.

Colleague: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “You’re not going to believe this but I just walked into the women’s restroom!!”

Colleague: “What??? How on earth did that happen??”

The booths were higher than the tables, so they allowed visibility to most of the establishment including the area near the entrance and restrooms. At that very moment, I looked over my colleague’s shoulder and could see half a face and the hair of a woman walking along the hallway toward the section we were in. I knew instantly by the hair this was the woman who saw me in the women’s room. I hunkered down further.

Me: “Dude! There was a woman in there and she saw me! And I think she is walking over here right now!!”

Colleague: “Really??”

I watched in horror as the half-of-face and hair reached the corner of the row of booths and turned down the aisle in our direction. At this point, I could not hide anymore. She came fully into view and was looking right at me. I was beyond embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. She arrived at our booth, and I immediately started babbling apologies like, “I’m sorry! I honestly did not mean to go into the women’s room! I have never done that before!”

Thankfully my colleague stepped up and saved me.

Colleague: “Hello, miss. You’ll have to excuse my friend here. He’s a nice guy and definitely not a pervert just drunk.”

We both looked at the women who looked at my colleague and then back to me and paused. Time was standing still again as we waited for her to speak. Even on my best day I would not have been able to discern her demeanor by her facial expression. She would be an excellent poker player.

She leaned forward staring straight at me and said, 

“You know, you really should wash your hands after using the restroom.” 

She finally broke her poker face with a grin and walked away.

I got lucky. No one went to management. No one called the cops. It could have ended up a lot worse. At the time it was mortifying but at least now it gives me a chuckle.