“Hey man, you know me. I don’t read books. I don’t have time to read books. I’ll buy yours just to help you out but I won’t read it. So just give me the best sleep tip you have.”

“Well, there are a lot of tips in there and something for everyone. There might be some things you already do and others you never heard of. It’s hard for me to give you the best one that will work for you.”

“Yeah yeah, I get it. But I’m just looking for top shelf. You know, you’re stranded on a desert island and can only have only one book. I am putting you on the desert island with only one sleep tip. Give me the bottom-line on the best tip!”

“Okay, that metaphor doesn’t really work, but I’ll go with it. Do you have a specific area you are interested in as it relates to sleep? Diet, physical activity, or something along those lines?”

“Nope. Look, we are at the Grand Canyon, and I’m going to push you over the edge unless you tell me the best tip you have.”

“Wait, I thought I was stranded on a desert island?”

“Just tell me!”

“Fine. I’ll tell you, but you probably won’t like it.” 

“Why not?? Just tell me!”

“Okay. If I had to boil it down to one tip that has most helped me with my sleep it would be…”

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?”

“Ahh! No, we’re still looking at the menu. Give us a few minutes.”

“Dude, why did you say that?? You know it’s going to take an extra long time for her to come back now!”

“Okay that’s it! I’m going to take this beer and pour it over your head in five seconds unless you tell me!”

“Man, you are out of control. Okay, like I said you won’t like it and many people won’t like it because it’s hard to do. The single best thing I have done to improve my sleep is…Hey is that Vince Vaughn??”

“I have a gun under the table pointed right at your crotch like that scene in Inglourious Basterds. If you don’t tell me the tip, I’m gonna blow off your tip.”

“Sheesh what is wrong with you!? Ok ok that one was on me. Here it is. Have a consistent sleep schedule. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, seven days a week.”

“That’s it?? THAT is your best tip?”

“See, I told you you wouldn’t like it.” 

“I pretty much do that anyway except for weekends.”

“Weekends are no exception.”

“Ok fine…give me your SECOND best tip.”

“For that one you’ll have to read the book. Can we order now??”